Parents today face a difficult balancing act when it comes to helping young children manage big emotions. Whether it is frustration in the grocery store, boredom during errands, or tears at bedtime, it can be tempting to hand over a phone or tablet for a quick fix. Recent educational handouts from the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Center of Excellence highlight why these moments matter so much for a child’s emotional development and how parents and caregivers can use them as opportunities for growth instead of relying on technology for calming.
The handouts explain that when children frequently use screens to calm down, they may become emotionally dependent on technology. While a device may distract a child and stop the immediate meltdown, it does not actually teach the child how to process emotions, solve problems, or self-regulate. Over time, children may begin expecting screens whenever they feel upset, frustrated or bored.
When a child is handed a screen to calm down, the parent misses the opportunity to teach coping skills, and the child never fully learns how to calm themselves without the device. Eventually, emotional growth stalls because the child has not practiced identifying feelings or managing challenges independently. These are crucial skills that children need by the time they enter school.
The good news is stressful moments can become teaching moments. A healthier way for parents to respond is to help children calm down by talking through emotions, naming feelings, and guiding them toward solutions. Over time, children begin to remember these skills themselves. Repetition is key! They learn to recognize emotions, recover more quickly from stress, and manage frustrations in healthier ways.
Experts emphasize that emotional regulation is a skill that develops with repetition and support. Caregivers play a critical role in helping children learn how to calm their bodies and minds. Simple actions such as labeling emotions (“I see you’re feeling angry”), redirecting to another activity, taking deep breaths together or helping solve a problem can make a lasting impact.
We also recognize that parenting and caregiving through big emotions is exhausting! Every caregiver needs a break sometimes, and no parent handles every situation perfectly. The message is not about eliminating screens completely but about being mindful of how often technology becomes the primary coping tool. The resources encourage families to seek support from pediatricians, teachers, or parenting professionals when they feel overwhelmed. There are several programs in Hays and Barton County that support parents in their journey when their children are small. Parents as Teachers is available in both counties through the respective school districts. Parents as Teachers helps parents learn skills that aid their children in preparing for school. The foundation for school is learning these social-emotional skills.
In a world where screens are everywhere, these reminders are especially important. Children are not born knowing how to manage disappointment, frustration or stress. They learn those skills through caring relationships and repeated practice. By slowing down and guiding children through difficult moments while keeping our composure, instead of immediately turning to technology, parents can help build emotional resilience that lasts far beyond childhood.
For more information visit, Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health.
Monique Koerner is the Family and Community Wellness Agent with K-State Research and Extension – Cottonwood District. You may reach her at: 785-628-9430 or moniquek@ksu.edu.
