I have come to the conclusion that I need a good pair of glasses, a dictionary, many mechanical pencils – since I forgot all of mine – and a physical spell checker. Also, a large glass of wine. I’m kidding!

The first week of classes at FHSU has completed itself. I now can admit to myself that it was not what I expected. I have found my spots where I like to sit in the classrooms, but here I am struggling to read the board from three rows away. I swear red is the hardest Expo marker in the world to see. I’m about to buy these professors some good ole’ black Expo markers.

I managed to know exactly where my classes were, started to eat the not-so-great food at the cafeteria, and get to know my roommates.

But right before I went into my very first class on Monday, marketing, I had a total mental meltdown for some reason. Guys, this is not how I expected it to be. I had to do an icebreaker, and I was so nervous I couldn’t decide which town I wanted to say, Great Bend or Hoisington. Just pick one, Abby. It’s not that hard.

“You know how confusing it is to have a Great Bend address, but went to school in Hoisington?”

So now, I am sitting here in my final class of the week writing this, wondering if I have made the right choice to study here. I understood that this is a major change, and I am excited to be here. But I also have to admit that I’ve been home more times than this college student would like to admit.

I knew moving away from home was going to be different. I knew I would miss my family, friends and normal routine. What I didn’t expect was how quickly I would miss having everything I know just a short drive away. At home, I know where everything is. Here, I am still trying to figure out where everything is and what I am even supposed to be doing half the time.

Yes, there are options for me to expand on what I want to do. We were also somewhat promised things to do while on campus. By the way, those events were sad, and it was hot outside. Let me tell you something: I was so bored out of my mind, I wasn’t even moved in for twenty-four hours, and I swindled my way back home again.

I think I have a problem at this point. Finish a hard week of classes and work, well, let’s go home. At this point, I think my friends and family are forcing me to stay up here because they are so tired of me.

Don’t get me wrong, my roommates and I are getting along quite well, but I am known as the quiet, shy person. If anyone knows me very well, I am not a quiet and shy person. I just take a while to get comfortable around people. Once I do, good luck getting me to be quiet.

Maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself to have everything figured out already. It has only been one week. I think I expected myself to immediately feel like I belonged here, but maybe that takes time.

For now, I am going to keep showing up to class, keep trying to meet people, and keep pretending I understand what my professors are talking about and also writing in red Expo markers. And yes, I will probably still go home.

But maybe, eventually, I’ll start wanting to stay.

Abby Grasser recently graduated from Barton Community College while working part-time at the Great Bend Tribune. She now attends Fort Hays State University.